My guess is you already know this: You can’t trust everyone. People are not generally looking out for your best interests; they are looking out for themselves. People are going to present themselves to you so that they look trustworthy and honest; they may have a blind spot or two. We all do. So why am I sharing these “uplifting reminders” with you? Because I don’t want to to be caught be surprise when they happen.
This new year is going to be a time of new opportunities for you. This is a great time to write a list of goals and expectations that you make for yourself, in your relationships, in your career, in your finances.
Co-workers, family members, bosses, employers, politicians are going to make you promises about these things. Those promises will have more to do with their own agenda than yours. I want you to start out this new year being wise and not being caught off guard. If you spend one second being shocked or angry or resentful or disappointed or offended, you are wasting your time. People are going to be people. It doesn’t make them evil. It makes them self centered. Shock.
What you must do is to stop wasting time being shocked, annoyed, ticked off, irritated, feeling sorry for yourself or flying into a rage. What happens when you release stress hormones into your body through negative emotions? They create an environment in your body for anxiety, depression and physical disease. What happens when you spend time pouting or feeling sorry for yourself or huffing and puffing in anger? You waste valuable time that could be spent creating a solution to your problem? AND if you respond to a situation from a place of offense, anger, hurt, hatred (meaning that your body is in a state of stress and your brain does not have the oxygen to function properly) you are more likely to say something you regret. You will not have looked at all possibilities or tried to see the situation from the other person’s perspective and you will likely be worse off than when you started.
How to get the best results in a disappointing communication:
- Accept as a fact at humans are flawed. And resist the temptation to dwell on that.
- Don’t spend one extra second allowing stress to make you less effective. Release it. Take a walk. Take some deep breaths. Write out your thoughts. Let go of what they should have done or should have said. Embrace what is, and work with that.
- Get clarity about what you want and why. Write it down if you have to. Chat to a trusted friend about it if you need a second opinion.
- Communicate clearly without emotion about what you want. You do not have to justify it or explain why.
- Know what you are willing to do if it doesn’t happen that way. Are you ok with any sort of compromise? Don’t make idle threats that you are not willing/able to follow through on.
- Do not take someone else’s manipulation or lie or anger personally. That is about them, not you. Don’t let them make it about you.
- Make it a new year’s resolution to ask for what you want and expect to get it, or to make the appropriate adjustment in the job or in the relationship. Just don’t waste a moment in emotions that steal your joy. That joy is your strength.
Please share you thoughts and questions in the space below.